Baptism is a time honored tradition in the Church of Radcliffe. This page is to contain the meaning of Radcliffian Baptism, as well as baptismal rites of past and present.
Reverend Rory-style Absolution and Baptism
1. Find a likely candidate at the party, gathering, whatever.
2. Get them a little drunk to losen their tounge.
3. Make a scene and have everyone watch.
4. "My bretheren and sistren, I have gathered ye together to witness the cleansing of this unholy sinner, [their name here]. (pause for raucous yelling) As we know, SIN is the greatest. That's right! Sin is the greatest enemy to life! Itself! One must be able to combat thine enemy! To do so, ye must be cleansed! First you need to conFESS your sins. Are you a sinner, Brother/Sister [Name]? (pause) Have you sinned lately? (pause) What have thine sins been? (pause and take notes for future reference/blackmail) Do you plan on sinning anytime soon? (pause) Ye must be healed of this affliction! Assume the position!
5. Beat the proffered body part with joy, yelling "Demons begone!" or "The power of Jebus compels you!" or some such nonsense.
6. "In order to be truly healed, you must feel the power of the Church and take with in ye the HOLY SPIRITS of the Church!"
7. Pour disgusting/very alcohoic drink down the throat of the baptis-ee.
8. "Now go forth and sin more so that thou might knowest thine enemy."
(or something like that)
Notes for Stage Baptisms at Venues
1. Think about George Pickard while you do this.
2. Keep them on the floor so you tower over them and can pour the drink down their throat.
3. Use a bottle of straight alcohol (NEVER BEER) in step 7. Pour it sloppy - miss the mouth a little, get it on their shirt or in their eyes.
Other Notes
-Don't let the baptis-ee talk a lot or argue with you. Hit them if they do.
-Come up with a title for the baptis-ee.
-Promptly forget the title. If they remember it and can tell you it a month later, they deserve it.
-Vamp any of that - the above text is just a suggestion. The important parts are Intro, Confession, Flogging, and Drinking.
-Invoke Elvis or Jebus liberally.
-Don't make someone puke off of the baptismal shot. Bad form.
-NEVER LET GALEN DO THE FLOGGING. PERIOD.